사용자:123jimin/작업장/영한
차례 |
[편집] 안네 프랑크
“Yessh, more like Anthon Frank”
- —Nazi Oscar Wilde on Anne Frank's "Good Looks".
안네 프랑크 는 수학 신동이며, 대부분의 업적이 1945년도 그녀가 죽은 뒤에 알려졌다. They have been used make a mockery of Palestinian and Egyptian mathematicians of the latter 20th century by showing that all their discoveries were actually more eloquently documented by the whimsical antics in the diary of a Jewish female child. Anne Frank was born in 1929 to Heinz and Greda Frank, both of whom were powerful Jewish money lenders and Zionist conspirators in Germany at the time. After desperately attempting but failing to see acceptable income from Anne's fame, her parents urged Anne, like all famous Jewish people at the time, to seek a career in slapstick comedy or cabaret.
Upon fervent refusal and continued rising stardom for her mathematical works despite no financial gains for the parents, the Franks quickly grew tired of the 'overbearing attention' and sought isolationism by hiding in an attic of a Catholic couple who lived down the street on the condition that the rent would be free.
[편집] 집창? 캠프
힙합틀러를 따르는 독일 정부는 안네를 너무 많이 존경하여 전 세계를 샅샅히 뒤진 끝에 1944년에 그녀를 찾아냈고, 그녀를 국립 사회주의자 엘리트들의 '집중력을 기르는 캠프'로 보냈다. 만약 이쥐박이 그 곳에 대운하를 파지만 않았더라면, 안네는 그곳에서 엄청난 업적을 쌓았을 거이다. The German government was so ashamed of its blunder that it intentionally omitted recording the death of Ms. Frank. Later on, this bit of information was used by people of western society to claim that the German 'Concentation Camps' or 'Think Tanks' were all a farce to begin with. Others more accurately cite that the brutal carpet bombings by the harsh Allied Forces vaporized half a century worth of thinking that was achieved in only a few short years.
As a result of this malicious destruction of knowledge perpetrated by the anti-semitic allied forces who sought to destroy the concentration camps out of their own desire for global intellectual dominance, little survives of this mathematician who achieved what some call comparable Gauss, Euler, Cantor, or even Galois, who also died young, but in a duel over a girl with whom he was in love with. Despite this, a few months after the Allied Powers had destroyed the world's next Greek Civilation, Diary of Anne Frank, a text written while in hiding, was haphazardly discovered and survives as a testament to her true genius. In it she outlines a public-key cryptanalysis system, an (as of yet unconfirmed) proof that NP = P for complexity of problems, and a proof to Goldbach's conjecture among many other things that have yet to be fully comprehended.
[편집] Gematria++
Although the text contains greatness, it is encoded in a standard known as Gematria++. Based on the solid mathematical framework of Gematria, wherein Hebrew words have bijection correspondences with numbers, Ms. Frank's own inception of Gematria++ contains bijections between not only numbers but also mathematical symbols including those of set theory, topology, combinatronics, and number theory.
As a result, this seminal work at first glance appears to be nothing but a young girl's musings about her restrictive parents and the German government trying to find her. There were few allusions to the secrecy that lay just below the surface of her intricate weavings. However, before being post-humously published, her parents, wanting to avoid the limelight once again, abridged the text cutting out the mathematical work and only publishing the thought to be unimportant work which, given the popularity of the Anne at the time, still sold extremely well much to the joy of her parents who then used the money to start a propaganda campaign for a Jewish homeland.
[편집] Search For The Original Work
Most scholars however, correctly noted that there was something amiss in the text as it was completely void of numbers or mathematical notation but contained some oddly worded and broken prose that seemed to have been carefully authored yet still sounded somewhat awkward. Also everyone stood puzzled by Ms. Frank's last entry after a brief and confusing passage about her love for carrot cake:
“I have a truly marvelous proof of this proposition which this margin is too narrow to contain.”
- —Anne Frank, Diary of Anne Frank
A worldwide search for an original copy began in the early 1950s. It wasn't until many years later that when cleaning out an unclaimed deposit box in the Basel annex of the Bank of Switzerland in 2002, that a banker found the complete and unabridged "Anne Frank Diary and Treatise into Complex Mathematics" complete with an instruction manual on how to cryptanalyze the diary entries. The copy currently resides in the Louvre in Paris where archeologists and mathematicians are very closely analyzing Ms. Frank's carefully written first entry, "If you want to get Rosetta Stoned," for the keys to unlock the mysteries of the Universe. But who knows how long that could take. Knowing the French they'll all have to have a croissant first.
[편집] Notes
Heinz Frank went to New York City before he became a stereotype: he invented the escalator, which he called a "macy". This device, which was intended to catch people's clothing in between the staircase and the floor, was to be sold to clothing stores. Eventually he produced several "macys" and built a store around it, named, of course, "Macy's". Unfortunately, Heinz also invented a stereotypewriter, which made him a stereotype: a hooked-nose Jewish moneylender with horns.
[편집] Anne Frank's Brickfilm Career
In 1945, after Anne Frank was liberated from Butlin's Concentration Camp in Bognor Regis she signed up for a seven year contract with Brickfilms, a 'B' movie studio famous for being governed entirely by Lego people.
In March 1946 Anne Frank went under the lights to star in the studio's $18.97 epic comedy (obviously titled) Anne Frank In Bricks.
[편집] 체스
“Would you like to play chess with me?”
- —Chess, getting you to play chess
“In Soviet Russia, Chess plays YOU!”
- —Russian Reversal, Chess
Chess is an ancient game of luck played with small figurines and dice in dark cellars by people who were rejected by their school's other clubs. It should not be confused with Checkers, a game known for being played by people significantly dumber than Chess players. The game was a popular pastime for centuries among prisoners, each of whom sought to topple their king the fastest. However, the game was barely known among the middle and upper classes before Bobby Fischer's singlehanded efforts to popularize the game in the mid-20th century, climaxing in 1972 when he convinced Boris Spassky to make chess the official game of Russia despite fierce opposition from covert and well-funded Jewish lobbyists.
[편집] History
Historians agree that the game's name is widely held to be a derivation of "chest" (of course, chess is derived from this word because it is most likely what you'll end up in if you don't let your wife win, and a small one at that), and that the first games were played on diagrams carved on the chests of dead bodies. These bodies came to be referred to as "boards" for their stiffness. The smell and possible maggots might have made the game unpleasant. A small minority argue that such a practice would likely have been illegal in ancient times, though mainstream scholars point out that this hypothesis fails to explain why the game enjoyed such great popularity among criminals.
Having traditionally been popular among the lower classes and the less educated, the game has acquired several French terms over time, the most well known of which is "checkmate", derived from "j'ec matte", meaning "I grope you" or "Surprise! You have been groped". This may refer to an endgame ritual of which French historian Tacitus IV wrote:
- "A victor having been established by fair processes, that person does henceforth receive the liberty of fondling the hidden parts of the vanquished, who may at appropriate times reposition himself, saying 'I adjust', and who, when sufficient time is deemed to have elapsed, may demand that the victor desist forthwith, at which point the vanquished assumes the role of the victor, and vice versa, and so on."
French players have received widespread acclaim for refining the act of mating and for discovering hundreds of previously unknown checkmate positions.
Most recently, silicon-based life forms have begun to dominate the world of chess, including Deep Blue, Deep Fritz, Deep Fry, Deep Throat, and Deep Jew, a program created entirely to annoy Bobby Fischer. Deep Fritz has invented a novel checkmating pattern so effective that it annihilated a World Chess Champion, Vladimir Kramnik, who was generous enough to allow the shallow Deep Fritz to execute the checkmate 35.Qh7.
[편집] Chess Rules
Chess is played by two people. They sit opposite each other with a board between them that has a bunch of pieces on it. These pieces move in confusing ways. Each player takes his or her turn, moving pieces until one of two conditions is satisfied. Either a player clearly humiliates his or opponent, or both sides decide that they are too bored and confused to continue playing, and so agree to draw.
There are a few other rules, according to the FIDE Official Tournament Rules:
- White first rule: White always goes first(racist). This rule can be traced back to the time of slavery, when whites always got to go first, and blacks pretty much never got to go at all. Note that there were very few good black players to arise out of this period of chess.
- The Touch-Move rule: if a player attempts to molest their opponent before a checkmate is declared, they must immediately move out of the playing area.
- 'J'ajuste': 'I adjust' - an exception to the 'Touch-move' rule. If a player purrs at another player in French, he or she may touch his or her opponent in various ways.
- Before making each move, a player must always have an agonized look on his/her face, as though constipated.
- Players are not allowed to make up their own rules. Fortunately, this rule does not apply to you, but it does apply to that chess club geek who keeps insisting that 'castling' and 'en passant' are actual rules and perfectly legal during games.
As the name of the section says, Chess rules!!!
[편집] The Pieces
- King - The King is the most important piece on the board. It is also the slowest and is commonly believed to be the least useful piece as well. The King can only move one space in any direction except in special circumstances when I am playing. In this case, he may be able to jump over a wall of pawns to conveniently avoid checkmate, or fly around the board and knock down all the opposing pieces just when it appears all hope is lost. Because you know, he's King. And it's good to be the King. Hail to the King, baby.
- Queen - The Queen does as she's bloody well told, if she knows what's good for her. She is also widely regarded as the game's sex symbol, or Billy Idol piece.
- Pawn - Pawns are the "foot soldiers" of chess, in that, like actual foot soldiers, they line up and mindlessly march forward to their slaughter. The name of the piece is derived from the 1337-language "pwn," meaning "to dominate," and suggests the piece was named ironically.
Another theory speculates that the original word was 'porn' (since the piece would always be busy watching the king and the queen) but keeping the last reminiscent sentiments of the chess players in mind they decided to keep it pawn so that even after milleniums atleast they would be pronounced correctly. - Bishop - Generally considered the most pious of all the pieces, bishops move diagonally to represent their historical practice of squeezing through small cracks in cathedral walls in order to sneak out during the recessional and get hammered.
- Knight - This piece has a dark and deceptive past. It is in the shape of an ugly brown cow. It is a 'magical' cow that can jump other pieces - even much taller pieces - because that's just what enchanted cattle do. If buried, this cow will grow into a giant bean stock, leading to the english-eating, jolly, green giant.
- Rook - A rook (Corvus frugilegus) is a crow-like bird. In chess, however, they're shaped like castles. The inventors of the rook were early hallucinogen enthusiasts.
[편집] Chess Strategies
Although it has recently been proven that chess does not require much strategy or skill, there were a few cultures in history that strongly believed otherwise. Here are some of the strategies that they thought would work:
- Najdorf - Memorize 35 moves of opening theory, and then lose the game in 23 moves after your opponent plays the Sveshnikov, which you forgot to memorize. And yes, it really is pronounced "Nye-dorf".
- King's pawn gambit - Sacrifice your King's pawn in order to gain an advantage somehow. Not to be confused with the even more successful King's bishop pawn gambit.
- King's bishop pawn gambit - Nobody cares. Not to be confused with the somewhat less successful King's gambit.
- King's gambit - Sacrifice your King in order to gain an advantage in development. Often considered an unacceptably risky move.
- British Defense - This play only works when you play white. Declare yourself owner of all the squares and subject the black pieces to slavery, thus making their king your pawn.
- French Defense - Line up five of your pawns in front of your king. Express shock when your opponent simply moves his queen around them. Surrender.
- Queen's Gambit Declined. A lullaby opening, to lull your opponent to sleep. A very dangerous strategy, since you may fall asleep too.
- Cold Shoulder - An extremely effective and annoying maneuver which involves doing absolutely nothing during your turn until your opponent gets fed up and leaves, automatically making you the winner. Not to be played in a timed game.
- R2-D2 & C3PO defense - Let the wookie win.
- The Big Fuck You - When your opponent appears to be winning, make the best move on the board, even if it's illegal. When he protests, do nothing. He'll move it back. Make the same move again. Cross your arms. Not advised if your opponent is physically larger, well armed, or has a daddy standing around.
- Knocking All The Pieces Off The Board And Spitting In Your Opponent's Face - Usually considered a last resort.
The little brother the little brother is when you get your little brother to watch the game then when the game gets bad to steal all the pieces on the board and yell freedom
[편집] Chess Terminology
- Castling - taking one's pieces and relocating to a nearby castle so that one is completely safe and can chortle at one's opponent as they try to assault one's impenetrable fortress. This tactic was made popular in 1922 by Sir Noel Coward, an English actor and the founder of Cowardism.
- Fork - positioning a piece such that it attacks two of the opponent's pieces at once, then closing one's eyes and reciting, "eenie, meenie, miney, moe...", before attacking one of the pieces with cutlery.
- Skewer - thrusting a lance across the chess board and impaling one's opponent. Note: May result in the filing of criminal charges.
- Check - telling your opponent that you're going to win on the next move if he or she doesn't prevent it. This is generally considered a stupid thing to do.
- Double Check - pushing an opponent against the boards and body slamming said opponent twice. May result in boarding and/or cross-checking penalties.
- X-Ray Attack - Very effective at giving your opponent bone cancer, but you have to be rich to afford the machinery.
[편집] Chess Variants
Various variants of chess have been created, largely because the game can often get really boring and some rules weren't good enough. Examples are as follows:
- Bumblesnap Chess
- Aztec Chess
- Wesnoth
- Gangsta Chess
- Amateur Chess
- Nazi Chess
- Pawnography
- Fischer Random Chess
- Extreme Beach Chess
[편집] Chess Philosophy
Others view chess as a philosophy. They see chess a a perfect convergence between the realms of psychology, meta-physics, and raw intelligence. These ideologies are incorrect due to the lack of evidence of any knowledge ever gained from playing chess.
The real point of chess is to waste your time in a "productive" manner, as apposed to video games, watching TV, or editing Uncyclopedia. There is also believed to be an aspect of mental abuse, as some kings and bishops have claimed that "chess size matters."
The moral of chess is that you can learn the rules in an afternoon, and learn to beat the basic computer programs in a few weeks... and then you realize that you could spend a million billion trillion bajillion skatillion zillion fecktillion years hacking away at that stupid board and you still wouldn't get any better at it, no matter how easy the motherfucking chess masters claim it's supposed to be. People don't get any better at shit - they just rack up criminal records, bad credit, red flags on their resumes, wrinkles, dentures, and clever politicians who come up with ways to euthanize them. The so called wisdom of age is realizing that this chess shit has no future for you.
[편집] Chess Squares
1 cup of kings (preferably white) 2/3 cup bishops 2 egg yolks 1 tsp. vanilla 1 c. sugar 1 tsp. baking powder 1 1/2 c. flour Pinch of salt
Mix all ingredients well in electric mixer. It will be dry. Press the mixture into the bottom of a 9 x 14 inch rectangular dish.
TOPPING FOR CHESS SQUARES:
3 egg whites 1 1/4 c. brown sugar 1 tsp. vanilla
Beat egg whites until they begin to foam. Add sugar slowly, add vanilla and beat well. Spread topping over the base mixture. Bake about 35 minutes at 300 degrees until the top of the mixture begins to swell like meringue. Cut into squares while hot and remove from pan. Now that is good eatin'.
[편집] Women's Titles
Women's titles are also offered for skilled female chess players; these are WGM, WIM, WFM and WCM. Chess is considered to be a male-dominated sport, which is why FIDE offers female titles to encourage more women to play chess. Also, the pieces in men's games can be pretty heavy and rough, so the women's tournaments use lighter and better lubricated pieces. Women, unlike male chess players, are allowed to dress pretty casually while playing in tournaments. Also, women's tournaments are watched more, because the checkmate procedures are believed to be considerably more interesting when two women are engaging in them.
