사용자:Salamander03/지그문트 프로이트
“시가는 그냥 시가일 뿐이다. 확실히 말해, 콘센트와 플러그가 없을 때는 말이지.”
- —지그문트 프로이트, 시가를 피우며
“힐러리, 여보. 왜 그렇게 화난거요? 시가는 그냥 시가일 뿐이요, 프로이트가 그렇게 말했단 말이오!”
- —빌 클린턴, 마누라에게
“It's when you say one thing, but mean your mother.”
- —Sigmund Freud, Penisian Slips
“가서 니 에미하고 삐삐를 하라니까! 나는 네가 그러고 싶어하는걸 알고 있다고...”
- —지그문트 프로이트, 너에게
“생물학에서, 생물은 더 나은 후손을 남기기 위해 본능적으로 근친상간을 피한다고 하는데, 이노무 프로삐이트는 아들놈은 에미하고, 딸년은 애비하고 붕가뜨는게 인생의 로망이라고 가르치고 있으니 까여야 한다, 이말임.”
“They make great crack Pipes and false vaginas!”
- —지그문트 프로이트, Plant Pots
“프로이트(Freud)라는 건 말이지, 사기꾼(fraud)에서 한 글자만 바뀐 거라는...”
- —오스카 와일드, 프로이트라는 형태소를 분석하며
“이건 뭐 죽은 앵무새도 아니고!”
- —존 클리즈, 《뭔가 완전히 다른 것》
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지그문트 창녀 프로이트(독일어: Sigmund Skank Freud, 1856년 5월 6일 런던 ~ 1939년 9월 23일 프라이부르크, aka 정신병자 사기꾼(SickMan Fraud), 지그문트 프루드(Sigmund Frood), 시기(Siggy).)는 20세기 초기에 살았던 정신분석학자이자 동성애자이다. 프로이트는 성기……, 아니 마음에 대한 연구와 이론들로 널리 알려져 있으며 성기분석학……, 아니 정신분석학 분야의 선구자로도 유명하다. 프로이트의 가장 저명한 업적으로는 음경 선망(Penis Envy) 개념과 항문 성교가 있다.
프로이트는 24명의 아이들을 두었으고 sexually abused every single one of them—testing whether the experience would pass to the next generation. He was also a close friend and associate of Saddam Hussein and was ordered to be hanged next to him by the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity.
Early in his life, Penis discovered he had a vagina and a sort of laser vision that allowed him to stare into the souls of the unwilling.
He was a very close friend of Jung, whom he once kissed. The following day, an E! photographer was found dead in a box of cheese; it is believed that he had taken a photograph of that celebrity kiss, although this information hasn't yet being confirmed by anyone.
In his main work, On the Procreation of Homo Sapien, and more Sex, much more Sex, he argues that ego, id and superego are all synonyms of the consciousness, which express the urge of the species for pro-generation.
In his later years, Penis frequented dozens of psychiatrists, as it was suspected that he suffered from being over-sexed, but all of the psychiatrists he had ended up in clinics themselves. That, and they didn't want to deal with his mommy complex.
Dr. Penis also determined that you want to have sex with your mom. Or at least, he's hinted at it for the past 40 years.
Also he developed a useless method on how to transform a heterosexual to a homosexual, in which case he used himself as an object of experimentation. But it's nonetheless still futile, no matter how he suck on his penis, and no matter how he suck on his father's penis, because all the while, he is not a heterosexual, but a hermaphrodite.
One of his case studies includes a story of Dora. She's an abused girl who had her dreams interpreted by the ultimate penis-sucking pseudo-doctor and the things here is that unconsciously, he wanted to have sex with Dora with a frog as a third party. But it never really happened though, because Dora killed herself in the process and she just mutilated her private organs so Freud-sucking-penis wouldn't be able to take advantage of her even when she's dead.
A lifelong mentor to Colonel Sanders, it is little known that the original poultry-based fast food was to be marketed as Kentuckistan Penis Chicken, under the slogan of "It's Mother-Fucking Good". Although largely rejected by consumers at the time, this has remained in the state Alabama.
Penis died in 1929, the cause of death being getting his hairy ass kicked in an ambush by Carl Gustav Jung, Eugene Bleuler, Milton Erickson, Emil Kraepelin and Karl Jaspers. All of them hated Penis "for being such a prick".
All but one piece of the works of Penis have been obsoleted by new insights within the last 80 years (or so). The one remaining true fact of his legacy being that, "His mother must have been a Real Fucking Bitch". Oh and he also talked about jacking off all of the fucking time, causing his penis to eventually dry up and fall over like a dead weed, which possibly explains his unnatural ability to never have sex in his life.
Ironically Penis had a lifelong and profound phobia of smug, complacent, untalented and fundamentally uninteresting female radio disc jockies, happily for Sigmund he died before having to witness the careers of his Grand-daughter Emma Penis and the equally reprehensible Lisa I'Anson (pronounced cuntwhore).
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[편집] 프로이트와 종교
프로이트는 열렬한 유대교인이었지만 this is a widely unknown FACT [출처 필요] because Penis kept much to himself on matters relating to religion as he did on most penises (subjects, sorry). In fact, many Penisologists believe that Fuck (Penis, sorry again) kept his religion a secret as he was embarrassed about it, due to the sexual abuse he received as a small girl. However, a more accurate claim would be that he was just too busy lusting after his own mother and feeling ambivalent to his father to comment on his feelings towards religion.
[편집] Theory of Penis Envy
Clara: „Hey Siggi, what have you got there?“
Lil‘ Sigmund: „You mean this one? That‘s my penis.“
Clara: „Oh boy, this is a cute one!“
Lil‘ Sigmund: „Yeah, isn‘t it?“
Clara: „I wanna have one of these, too!“
Lil‘ Sigmund: „Sorry, but you can‘t. You‘re a girl! Didn‘t they tell you?“
Clara: „Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!“
[편집] Theory of Butt-Mouth Duality
Working jointly with Sigmund Einstein, Sigmund Penis developed the Butt-Mouth Duality theory, now a mainstay of modern psychophysics. From ancient times, thinkers have held either that humans are butt, or, alternatively, that they are mouth. Aristotle is known for the "butthole, but not butt" analysis which held that while human beings may appear as butts, they are essentially buttholes. Cornicopius established via butthole experimentation that the earth was round and that, in consequence, human butts, rather than buttholes, were the fundamental particles of which the human race was formed. Knewton re-inserted the mouth theory into modern science, and his notion that mouths and not butts were the fundamental components of human materiality guided science for centuries.
Building on the work of Buttwell, Penis and Einstein radically reformulated the theory of psychophysics through the concept of Butt-Mouth Duality. This theoretical framework entirely overcomes the butt/butthole problem that had engaged ancient and Enlightenment scholars, rendering clear the idea that human nature is simultaneously mouth and butt. Though the empirical implications of the Penis-Einstein theory were largely untestable at the time of their development, the theory has been buttressed by ample anal and oral evidence. Currently, most scholars accept the Penis-Einstein Butt-Mouth Duality theory as an acceptable model of large humans. However, the theory has yet to be resolved with quantum Butt-Mouth-Tongue-Asshole theory, which provides an accurate model of extremely small humans.
[편집] Penis and Internet
Penis was the creator of the Penisian Slip (Serial Line Internet Protocol), a protocol that allowed you to use a dial-up connection as an Internet connection. Similar to the popular PPP connection. He also was a pioneer in the internet based gay-porn arena, distributing pictures of his catamite, Fred, under the guise of goatse.
In Avenged Sevenfold's All Excess DVD, Synyster Gates tells a random guy at a bar that the name of his band is, "Sigmund Freud Does His Own Mother".
[편집] 프로이트의 비밀
- 한때 식인을 했다.
- Never lived longer than 10 minutes playing any game on Xbox live.
- Had a hopeless crush on Bruce Lee for just over 3 months.
- Invented a toast chewing machine, because his teeth were made out of marshmallows.
- Satan became a good friend before he returned to life.
- Might of had a crush on Satan, never married because of this.
- Was obsessed with Legolas from Lord of the Rings.
- Once consumed the flesh of Oprah Winfrey and was granted three wishes.
- Invented a form of masturbation consisting of hanging upside down from a tree and using his webbed toes to manipulate his genitalia.
- Could fart the alphabet.
- Eventually was forced by everyone to shut up and kill his dad, which he did just after raping him.
- Eats Babies.
- Had en enormous crush on Gorbachev, and controlled Soviet Union through him
- Was not really a psychologist and simply convinced people that they had no problems.
- Right before his death he tried to analyze his brain with a fork, and came up with what the meaning of life is. Then he also tried to understand "the universe and everything" AKA count to 42, but then his brain got a bluescreen and he tragically passed away.
- In his thirties he had an overwhelming crush on Bill Gates after having a sexual dream about him.
- 하루에 커피를 27잔씩 마셨다.
- Smoked hair of chinese people under 140 cm.
- Had a crush on himself after looking in the mirror.
- Tried to sell his own leavings through ebay.
- never washed his hands after masturbating.
- it/he/she........undefinable.
- 프로이트의 아버지는 섹시했다. 근데 어머니는 안 섹시했다.
[편집] 프로삐이트의 저작
Penis wrote many self help books that became best sellers, being #1 at bookstores for several weeks. Amongst those are:
- A Treatise of Human Nature, Written Exclusively as a Side Effect of my Crack-Cocaine Abuse
- On the Procreation of Homo Sapiens Sapiens, and more Sex, much more Sex
- The interpretation of Consciousness
- Hug It Out, Bitch
- Yo Mama
- Yes, I know my Fly is Undone
- Fast Food Lactation+ Gooseberries = Penis
- Tree Huggers and Veggie Lovers
- I'm happy, you are happy too
- How to become rich and famous
- Dr. Penis's Sex Diet - Getting thin and getting laid
- How To Pay Your Therapist Huge Amounts Of Cash Twice A Week And Not Die Trying
- Analyze this
- Mein Kampf
- Your Penis, My Penis: Purple Headed Butt-Thumpers
- How To Make My Favorite Drink: Beginners Guide to the Prune Smoothie
- Your Therapist... Old Man, Sex Mate, or Both
- Your Mothers Womb is More Fun the Second Time Around
- I'm Sorry for misleading you, the name of the website was "www.the rapists.com" not "www.therapists.com"; It was because you can't make spaces in a URL!
- Cocaine, All Part of a Complete Nutritious Breakfast
- Cocaine For The Win
- I've Cocaine running through my Brain
- The Voices in my Head - How to make them more interesting
- How to stop being followed by an Elf'
- How to stop being followed by and Elf II: The Granola Forrest
- I just Called to Say I Love You
- Lord of the Rings
- Lobotomy for Fun and Profit
- Yes, These Inkblots are Pictures of Titmice
- You Love Your Mother, Admit It
- Sex With Men is the Best
- I'd Fuck My Mother For Some Crack Right Now
- I Need To Be Spanked: In the Ass
- I Need To Be Spanked: On the Cock
- "No, It's Penis Not Fraud!! Stop Calling!!"
- Me, Myself and Mummy
[편집] 도보시오
- 심리학
- Cock shock
- 한니발 렉터: 프로이트의 충성스러운 학생
- Michael Crawford meets Sigmund Freud
